Introducing the CRAP Program


All New CRAP

Get the latest scoop

Be sure to read the latest press release on our exciting new CRAP. If you think you're in the wrong place, just head over here, where you'll definitely be in the wrong place.

AP Today

AP courses are offered to High School students and despotic parents who are fascinated by regurgitating shallow outlines of advanced material for the sole purpose of building their college applications. Through these courses, we strive to promote our arbitrarily selected subject matter and provide students with an experience that has as little to do with college as academically possible. This way, they can be minimally prepared to follow up the classes they usually won't be allowed to place out of anyway.

The AP program is incredibly valuable to students because it helps develop skills such as memorization of largely disconnected information, which they will find useful in situations without access to a computer, a phone, any books, or other humans, much like in an insane asylum. It can also help accustom them to nearly cryptographically random grading systems, extremely strong curves, and scoring scales that have been reduced to minimize any actual meaning.

But the drawbacks don't stop there. AP tests are also beneficial to schools, which have begun forcing students into taking unreasonable numbers of tests in order to garner positive attention from mainstream media for pushing challenging curriculum. This systematic, self-perpetuating silliness has truly taken wing throughout schooling on an international level, and even we're quite proud of what we've caused.

Ultimately, standardized testing also improves our bottom line as a company, which is beneficial to everyone because we get more money. But if you thought we'd be satisfied at that, you'd be wrong as CRAP.

Introducing CRAP

In order to extend our mafia-like influence even further, we're introducing a new series of standardized tests aimed at allowing students in preschool, elementary school, and middle school to place out of courses at the next scholastic level. This will be part of our re-envisioned program, named pre-Collegiate Restrictionless Advanced Placement.

Personalizing Education

Students, especially in preschool and K-5, need to define themselves to colleges. They need to put their names on the candidate list, and to do that, they need to be able to customize their education. We firmly believe that students will always make the best decisions for themselves, so we want to give them the full spectrum of opportunities, even if most of them are bad. Our new program puts education in the hands of the students, regardless of their grade, and we're proud to be progressing academics in such a backwards-thinking way. Today, we're giving you a sneak preview of some of the new courses we're offering.

CRAP In Action

The CRAP program will be rolling out in early 2018, and will be available to students of all grade levels. We hope to see monumental turnout this year, so if you are a parent, enroll your children now, and if you're a student, click the button below to begin the signup process. Make sure you also stay tuned for our upcoming trimester exams, which will give you an accurate index of the intelligence of your baby in the womb!

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Your To Do List
  • Take one of our wide array of CRAP tests
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Make sure to study for any upcoming tests. Higher scores means more people take our tests!
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